Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
