Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Randomize
