I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
