yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
