I smell stomach acid.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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