Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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