i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
