Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
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