so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
