I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
We had to coat check the pizza.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize
