some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
