Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
