ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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