John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
