His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
