OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
