kristin has been a bad kristin
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
