Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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