She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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