You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
did you just send me my own nude
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Randomize
