So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
