If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
