I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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