the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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