he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
