It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
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i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
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He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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