at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
