If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
