Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
