Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
