just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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