Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize