This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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