Heybabeimwearingurpanties
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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