I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Can you bring me the toilet please
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
