Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?