You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
