the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
how do flat chested girls get laid?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions