tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
21 Embarrassing Stories From Adults Who’ve Crapped Their Pants
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off