That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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