I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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