Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
