dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize