I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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