How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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