he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
