Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
