You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
