After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
handjob tips. give me some.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
