i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
