He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
