WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
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