I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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