Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
everyone is single if you try hard enough
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
