He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
