Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
