; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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