C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
