i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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