Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
