I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.