I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
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We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
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I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?