You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
