Texts From Last Night

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  (323): View more from California

  Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you

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  (323): Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you http://tfl.nu/a4zz
  Replies (11) Good night (900) Bad night (3390)
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  (831): View more from California

  atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.

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  (831): atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex. http://tfl.nu/0vib
  Replies (31) Good night (694) Bad night (6852)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?

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  (703): So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh? http://tfl.nu/suo6
  Replies (34) Good night (1128) Bad night (4954)
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  (574): View more from Indiana

  no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"

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  (574): no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house" http://tfl.nu/wkle
  Replies (13) Good night (1430) Bad night (8787)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go

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  (410): There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go http://tfl.nu/lquj
  Replies (1) Good night (2415) Bad night (741)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'

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  (918): I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.' http://tfl.nu/i088
  Replies (8) Good night (3073) Bad night (1030)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Whatever you gave me is making me lactate

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  (918): Whatever you gave me is making me lactate http://tfl.nu/rku9
  Replies (8) Good night (831) Bad night (2875)
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  (949): View more from California

  So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.

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  (949): So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls. http://tfl.nu/e640
  Replies (4) Good night (2243) Bad night (749)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?

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  (412): Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am? http://tfl.nu/j782
  Replies (7) Good night (1744) Bad night (610)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people

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  (610): At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people http://tfl.nu/kwkh
  Replies (2) Good night (545) Bad night (750)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?

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  (309): He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned? http://tfl.nu/05n3
  Replies (5) Good night (477) Bad night (1777)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out

  (1-215): View more from Pennsylvania

  you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..

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  (215): i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out (1-215): you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night.. http://tfl.nu/3w68
  Replies (4) Good night (368) Bad night (1011)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"

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  (314): i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis" http://tfl.nu/xf6m
  Replies (4) Good night (439) Bad night (331)
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  (315): View more from New York

  she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho

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  (315): she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho http://tfl.nu/b0zw
  Replies (4) Good night (764) Bad night (309)
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  (818): View more from California

  I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.

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  (818): I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me. http://tfl.nu/5z7i
  Replies (2) Good night (792) Bad night (228)

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