wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
