Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize
