I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
