Texts From Last Night

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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Betty ford says i'm here all night

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  (215): Betty ford says i'm here all night http://tfl.nu/rxoa
  Replies (2) Good night (884) Bad night (508)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.

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  (720): Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown (303): I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself. http://tfl.nu/zmkv
  Replies (44) Good night (8632) Bad night (1088)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  So you're taking me there this weekend?

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.

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  (508): Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu (781): So you're taking me there this weekend? (508): oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food. http://tfl.nu/y6ju
  Replies (35) Good night (7638) Bad night (1129)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.

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  (541): Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh. http://tfl.nu/1se4
  Replies (72) Good night (6630) Bad night (2039)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories

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  (973): my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories http://tfl.nu/tcvk
  Replies (7) Good night (2987) Bad night (1819)
• Favorite

  (228): View more from Mississippi

  how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...

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  (228): how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it... http://tfl.nu/36tz
  Replies (5) Good night (728) Bad night (909)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night

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  (301): Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night http://tfl.nu/cuhc
  Replies (2) Good night (1333) Bad night (422)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.

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  (847): And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice. http://tfl.nu/ait7
  Replies (11) Good night (806) Bad night (1158)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness

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  (503): He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness http://tfl.nu/9fad
  Replies (2) Good night (713) Bad night (458)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.

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  (765): His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison. http://tfl.nu/cqq3
  Replies (4) Good night (811) Bad night (632)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.

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  (505): Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you. http://tfl.nu/v68r
  Replies (9) Good night (975) Bad night (473)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.

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  (925): I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off. http://tfl.nu/d0dp
  Replies (5) Good night (1480) Bad night (424)
• Favorite

  (325): View more from Texas

  My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious

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  (325): My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious http://tfl.nu/543t
  Replies (2) Good night (737) Bad night (380)
• Favorite

  (985): View more from Louisiana

  No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.

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  (985): No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did. http://tfl.nu/hp4k
  Replies (3) Good night (662) Bad night (342)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore

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  (315): she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore http://tfl.nu/sa4k
  Replies (5) Good night (359) Bad night (765)

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