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I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
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