Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
