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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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