mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
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