it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
