i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
