I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
