I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
