i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
