Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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