you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
