I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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