i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
