you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
