just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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