Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
