I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
